Batman: Arkham Asylum Review

The Good

The new Batman: Arkham Asylum is easily the best comic book/ video game adaptation released to date. The story is interesting (written by legendary Batman Scribe Paul Dini); the voice acting is mind-blowing (most of the voices are provided by veterans of the 1990’s Batman the Animated Series), and the fighting is fluid.

By providing a simple attack/ defend method, the game designers created a superb fighting system that is easy to learn, but takes some art to master. I also love the variety of ways you can take down thugs… which is also my favorite part of the game. The planning that is necessary to take down a room full of armed thugs on hard is certainly challenging. One room in particular where the Joker has seven armed thugs wire the ceiling with bombs (essentially removing your ability to go vertical) took me a number of tries to triumph. I can’t remember the last time I had to work so hard to conquer a puzzle in a game; it was intellectually refreshing.

The scenes where you get fear gassed by Scarecrow, and have to escape your own madness, are really trippy and quite cool.

The Not So Good

My only substantive complaint is regarding the boss battles. On one hand, I have to give them some credit because no two boss battles are alike. On the other, they never made me feel like I was Baman beating the hell out of my crazy, ostentatious rogues. The boss battles were never as enthralling as the rest of the game.

One other graphic design issue bugs me just a bit. In cut scenes, Batman looks like he’s sweating buckets. This is probably because the game was created using the Unreal Engine. It’s not a huge issue, but it’s something I noticed.

The Ugly

Nada

Bottom-line

I typically don’t feel the need to complete all of the side challenges in a game, but something about the Riddler’s taunting has compelled me to go back and finish answering his riddles… so I’m not done with Batman: Arkham Asylum.

All-in-all, this game is a triumph. It looks good, is fun to play, and it gives you a reason to play some more after the main story is over. What more could you want out of a game?

Batman: Arkham Asylum Demo Review

I finally had a chance to download the demo of the upcoming Batman: Arkham Asylum on Xbox 360.

The verdict?

It looks like we are going to finally get a good Batman game.

The combat and stealth controls feels intuitive within a couple of minutes; I had a blast skulking around and darting in and out of combat.

The voice acting is perfect, with many Batman the Animated series veterans reprising their roles:

Kevin Conroy as Batman, Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) as the Joker, and Arleen Sorkin as the lovable lunatic, Harley Quinn.

The graphics are pretty slick, although I’m not crazy about Batman’s cape (it’s really hard to animate a cape properly), and sometimes things look a little too shiny. Nothing unforgivable here.

You can expect a more through review after the game is released on August 25… but for now, this game is looking like it will be a “must play.”

Geeksploitation in Hollywood

Have they forgotten what original thought and new properties look like out in California?

Over the last decade, the volume of comic book properties that have been turned into movies has been growing.

I reflected over this rapid growth, then I  started to list all of the comic book movies that are due out over the next few years.

I made this staggering list off the top of my head in less than five minutes:

(In no particular order)

1. Spider-Man 4
2. Nick Fury
3. GI Joe
4. Jonah Hex
5. Man of Steel (Superman)
6. Green Hornet
7. Sin City 2
8. Deadpool
9. Green Lantern
10. X-Men Origins: Magneto
11. Wanted 2
    
12. The Avengers
13. The First Avenger: Captain America
14. Thor
15. Iron Man 2
16. Scott Pilgram vs The World
17. Magdalene
18. 300 2 (Yeah, forget the fact that damn near all of the characters died… that gives me an idea. “THIS IS ZOMBIE SPARTA!!!”)
19. Batman 3
20. World of Warcraft
21. Castlevania (Not a comic, but a video game is still close enough. This is only being made because of the current vampire boom in pop culture.)
22. The Last Airbender, which is  live action movie of Avatar: The Last Airbender (A cartoon, but another geek favorite)

That’s 22 right there, and this isn’t even counting novel adaptations and movie remakes (Twilight anyone?). I think they are all due out within the next two to three years.

I am also fairly certain that I forgot a few.

It’s kind of shocking isn’t it?

My feelings on this are mixed. On one hand, I’m sure a few of these will be great, but on the other hand, a lot will be steaming piles of poo.

Additionally, I am troubled by the lack of original thought. I understand that when the economy is in the toilet, studios (and everyone else in media) want to put their money in a “sure thing,” but this trend began when the economy was booming.

Most of these adaptations don’t add anything to the characters, they usually detract. When they are done well, they usually match the comics at their best.

Make something new, unique and good, and I promise I will go to see it. As far as this current wave of geeksploitation that we are experiencing goes, I think I am going to have to be more picky with the comic movies I support. I hope you will too.

Real Shark Repellent! I’ll Never Question Adam West Again

Yeah, someone is actually making a shark repellent.

If you don’t know why this is freaking hilarous, I recommend viewing this epic clip from the 1960’s Batman show staring none other than Mr. Adam West.

New Batman Arkham Asylum Trailer Looks Even Better!

This trailer looks even more impressive than the previous ones.

It seems that the release date has been bumped up to August 25th. I don’t have to tell you what my plans for that evening are do I?

Six Flags: A Day with Superman, Batman, & Bizarro

I spent all day zipping across Six Flags Great Adventure with two of my good friends from college; Andrew & Dave (they’re twins). They live in Buffalo, NY and don’t have the opportunity to come down too often, so they decided to splurge and buy us a Flash Pass.

Basically, the Flash Pass is a big red tamagotchi (remember those pieces of garbage?) looking thing with some form of receiver/ transmitter. It allowed us to book our rides without having to wait on the line – Freakin’ sweet! Especially when you don’t have to pay for it.

I forgot my camera, so I need to use old photos or steal them from promotional sites.

So, we zipped around all day, enjoying the beautiful weather, and going on more rides than I can count.

Here’s the scoop on big attraction rides (In no particular order):

Batman the Ride

The original Batman coaster still rocks. This short but intense ride never disappoints. I think I’ve gone on it about 12 times in three visits over the last year.

El Toro

This wooden roller coaster is anything but your typical wood coaster. It’s fast, smooth, and exceptionally intense. I think it’s the best one in the park (Andrew & Dave agreed).

(I took this one)

Nitro

A great steel coaster with an incredible drop. Ride this one before you go on El Toro because as great as it is, it won’t measure up next to wooden awesomeness.

Kingda Ka

I really want to go on this record holding (height & speed) 456 foot tall, 128 mph phallic symbol, but it’s always closed when I go to the damn park.

The Dark Knight Coaster

Great movie. Abysmal ride. Don’t waste your time on stupid thing.

Great American Scream Machine

It twists, it turns, it cork screws, and it loops… a lot. This classic coaster is a lot of fun, but it can beat you up a bit.

Superman: Ultimate Flight

You fly through this ride in a horizontal position. Nothing underneath you except for the harness. It’s fast and unbelievably smooth; you really feel like you’re flying. I love this one.

Bizarro

Bizarro is awesome!

For those of you who don’t know, Bizarro is the anti-Superman, and he inverts the definitions of words. When Bizarro say’s he is “here to save you,” he actually means he is “here to kill you.”

So, when I say “Bizarro is awesome,” I mean it’s not.

The Bizarro coaster  is a slightly modified version of the old ride Medusa. Medusa was boring. The minor improvements along with some special effects don’t do nearly enough to revitalize this ride.

A woman who was on the line for Batman with me put it best:

“Medusa wasn’t great, but it was ok because it never had a line… Bizarro sucks because it isn’t great and the line is insane.”

Tips

1. Don’t keep your cellphone or keys in an unzipped pocket. Dave’s phone was “stolen” by Superman (Not very Superman like). It’s a very strange feeling watching your friend’s phone drop from a great height.
2. Riding at the front of these coasters is more visually intense, however, the back of the coaster is physically more intense (Especially on Superman and El Toro).

Batman Arkham Asylum Delayed

The video game, Batman: Arkham Asylum has been delayed from June 26, 2009 to Q4 2009.

Bummer.

All Star Batman & Robin Take Two

Back in 2005 comic legends Frank Miller and Jim Lee teamed up to create All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder.

This book was so hyped up, then it hit the shelves and it was a special kind of bad. I’m a fan of a lot of Frank Miller’s and Jim Lee’s work but All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder is a train wreck. The book is so bad, but I keep picking up the new issues (when they actually come out) to see what ridiculous thing they will do next.

A spectacular failure!

The book is bad on an epic level. It’s a masterpiece of terrible. It’s the Mona Lisa of crap… and i can’t seem to stop reading it [This is the toned down version. I couldn't bring myself to print one of the more graphic sentences that I wrote].

Miller & Lee have boldly created a funhouse mirror reflection of Batman and the DC Universe in what seems like an effort to just do something completely insane. Frank. Jim. If that was your goal I congratulate you on your success.

Moving on…

Today, Dan Didio announced that writer Grant Morrison and artist Frank Quitely, the same team that has created the excellent book All Star Superman, will be writing a new series titled Batman & Robin. I hope the do the characters justice.

A page of Frank Quietly's art from the upcoming series "Batman & Robin"

Superman is Problematic

“Who would win in a fight, Superman or Batman?”

I wish I had a dollar for each time someone has asked question like that.

The answer to any “Who would win in a fight” question is typically on the cover of the comic, movie, or book. If it says “Superman,” he will probably win. If it says “Batman,” he will probably win. Get the picture?

The modern incarnations of Superman are troublesome in storytelling. How do you find an interesting threat for a character who is super in every facet of his being: strength, speed, senses, flight, intelligence, muscle control, he can freeze things with his breath, and shoot deadly beams from his eyes, and he’s even super good with his personal relationships. He has no real faults. 

The answer to this problem is frequently one of two options:

Option 1

Make a bigger, badder, nastier villain. This has been used over and over again, and most of the time results in a boring slugfest that is ultimately unfulfilling.

Option 2

Lower Superman’s powers without saying anything.

This happened all of the time on the Justice League and Superman animated series (which I love nonetheless). Often times in Justice League, a villain would kick Superman’s red and blue ass (establishing the villain as a nasty threat) only to have Hawkgirl snuff him with her mace. It just doesn’t work. In this case, Superman is only as strong as he needs to be in order to resolve the conflict after getting beat up a bit. 

Superman is problematic because he is a god in a world of mortals and writers have to resort to odd or inconsistent storytelling in order to manufacture a threat. For example:

Think back to the movie Superman Returns. Supes is on that kryptonite island with Lex and his goons. He can barely stand. They stomp on him, stab him with a shard of kryptonite, and dump him in the ocean broken and defeated. Then, after a brief recharge of solar energy, he flies down and lifts the whole damn island into space. The island made of kryptonite. He could barely carry his own weight while standing on it, but lifting it beyond Earth’s gravity is no big deal? That’s bad storytelling.

There is a relatable and interesting character deep within Superman, but it is buried beneath all of the powers. DC could make Superman into an exceptional character if they dampened his strength and speed for good. If he becomes weaker and slower, writers could keep his power consistent, more villains could pose a threat to him, and the crux of his stories could be character-based, not strength based. 

The endless strength and speed may be good for beating up bad guys, but they aren’t so good for compelling storytelling.

New Batman Arkham Asylum Trailer

I can’t wait for this game. It better not disappoint.

Read Comics – Green Lantern Edition

Many modern comics are exceptionally intricate stories that are difficult to just start reading. Gone are the days of picking up a random issue of a comic and being able to read it without any background knowledge… but have no fear, the Green Lantern primer is here.

I’m not going to summarize the history of the character for you, what I will do is tell you the order to read the stories in order to develop a through appreciation of the Green Lantern. Having a deep appreciation of the character and his rich history will make the current stories all the better. Context is important.

First thing you should know is that there are many Green Lanterns. Green Lanterns are essentially intergalactic police officers deputized by the Guardians. The greatest of them is a human named Hal Jordan. Most of the stories that I will reference here focus on Jordan. 

I promise that all of these comics are quality books that are building in a specific direction. No filler here.  

• Green Lantern/ Green Arrow Vol. 1 & Vol. 2 - Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corp were around for a long time before this series, but these are the books that lay the groundwork for the amazing stories that are being told today. This series was also exceptionally progressive and conscious of racial, ethnic, and religious tensions. Remember that this is an older book, so some of it might seem a little bit hokey. The stories are still exceptionally well written. 
• DC Universe: The Stories of Alan Moore – This compilation by the writer who penned other classic comics such as Watchmen & V for Vendetta contains a few key short stories that establish so much of the current Green Lantern mythology. There are also a number of other exceptional stories in this compilation that have nothing to do with Green Lantern. Most notably Batman: The Killing Joke; the story that first introduced the darker and more twisted incarnation of the Joker seen in the movie The Dark Knight. 
• Green Lantern: Rebirth – Skipping ahead, I will tell you that Hal Jordan became evil and then died (the stories aren’t worth reading). This book brings him back to life and to the light in a big way. This book is what made Hal Jordan one of my favorite characters. At this point, the two ongoing Green Lantern series kick in.
  
• Green Lantern: No Fear
• Green Lantern Corps Recharged
• Green Lantern: Revenge of the Green Lanterns
  
• Green Lantern Corps: To Be a Lantern
  
• Green Lantern: Wanted – Hal Jordan
  
• Green Lantern Corps: A Dark Side of Green
  
• Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War Vol. 1
  
• Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War Vol. 2
  
• Green Lantern: Tales of the Sinestro Corps War
  
• Green Lantern: Secret Origin
  
• Green Lantern Corps: Ring Quest
  
• Green Lantern Corps: Sins of the Star Sapphire (Compilation is not available at this time instead, pick up Green Lantern Corps Issues 29 – 32
  
• Green Lantern: Rage of the Red Lanterns (Compilation is not available at this time instead, pick up Final Crisis: Rage of the Red Lanterns & Green Lantern 36 – 37)
• You’re all caught up! Continue reading past Green Lantern #37 & Green Lantern Corps #32 

This list seems a bit long, but they are all fast reads. 

You can purchase these from Amazon, but I recommend printing the list and taking it to your local comic shop. They can order the books for you and locate the individual issues that you need. If you are buying in volume, ask for a discount. 

These stories are building towards something big and if the quality of this long run is any indication of what will be written, I cannot wait!

If you aren’t reading Green Lantern, you are truly missing out.

… this post took way longer to write than I thought it would.

Video Games to Play in 2009

I spent some time taking a look at the games that are due to hit store shelves in 2009 (baring delays, which are quite common in the video game industry). Here are eight games in no particular order from a number of different genres that I’m excited about:

• Ghostbusters (6/16): The Ghostbusters hold a special place in my heart. As my first childhood geek obsession, I love the Ghostbusters. The information that is available makes me even more excited. The gameplay sounds excellent and voice acting is performed by the original guys themselves! I can’t wait to be knee-deep in ectoplasmic goo with a small nuclear reactor strapped to my back. Come June, I might just have to cross the streams. 

• Guitar Hero: Metallica (3/29): Guitar Hero is awesome! Metallica are jerks… but they’re awesome! I’m certain that it will eclipse the previous Guitar Hero games in difficulty by simple virtue of it’s source material. I also have no doubt that this game will rock the proverbial socks. Get your coolest pajamas, find a comfortable place on your couch, and prepare to shred on a plastic guitar! 

• Halo Wars (3/3): When the first Halo was in production prior to the release of the first X-Box, it was meant supposed to be a third person game. Then it evolved into the best first person shooter ever. Halo was the sole reason I bought an X-Box, and the only game I owned for the console for a really long time. With two other insane sequels, the fourth installment is about to arrive in a very different form. This will be a realtime strategy game. You will command entire armies into glorious battle. The graphics are stunning and I’ve read that the controls are easy and efficient. A religious war never looked so fun. 

• Street Fighter IV (2/17): The classic fighting franchise is back with a new beautiful look. I’ve heard that the fighting system is exceptional and I’m looking forward to getting my hands on this one.

 

• Heroes Over Europe (3/17): Growing up I played a lot of flight simulators and aviation action games because my father loved airplanes, and I didn’t have a lot of money to buy video games. I still have a soft spot for aviation games. It’s been a while since I was in a good dogfight and I have high hopes that this game will provide just that.

 

 

• Batman: Arkham Asylum (5/1): While many Batman video games have missed the mark, I’m confident that this one will truly represent Batman’s badassery. Expect a rant if it doesn’t.

 

 

• Splinter Cell: Conviction (6/30): Sam Fisher’s coming back for more stealthy spying, crazy gadgets, and silent killing. The best stealth action franchise returns with what I’m sure will be another great installment. Splinter Cell is always a sure bet for a good game.

 

• Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection (2/10): A collection of 40 classic Sega Genesis games. The set includes quite a few of the original Sonic games, Ecco the Dolphin, Streets of Rage 1, 2, & 3, Vectorman 1 & 2, Comix Zone, and Golden Axe 1, 2, & 3 among many others. This is a must have for the old-school gamer.

Those are the games I’m looking forward to. Maybe I will find enough time to actually play some of them.

Don’t Give These to Your Kids!

Holy misperception Batman!

The comic industry has one of the worst image problems I have ever seen. It has been my observation that most people view comics as something “for kids.”

In no uncertain terms, they aren’t. The overwhelming number of comics published since the 1980 are for people in their late teens at the earliest. The plots and themes are mature in nature. They aren’t designed for a kid to read and then simulate with an action figure. 

I didn’t start reading comics until I was in college. I thought they were dumb kiddie books. Then my college roommate read them compulsively and kept telling me, “You should read these, they are really well-written and the art is great!” I begrudgingly read an issue because I had concluded that I couldn’t think something was stupid until I gave it a try. My roommate was right. Next thing I knew I was reading four different titles, then eight, and then 12.

Here’s the problem. People who read comics know that they aren’t for kids… but no one else does. When you work in a comic shop you see all sorts of different people come in and out of the store, male, female, young, old, wackos, and professionals in suits and ties. The age range is what is so interesting. There are so many lifelong readers. Yet there are so few new, young readers.

Wonder Woman painted by comic writer/artist Alex Ross.

In spite of the massive Hollywood success that comic-based movies have seen, the comics that these movies are based off of haven’t seen the gigantic influx of new readers that one would expect (This observation comes from things I’ve read and comic shop owners I have spoken with).

So, what’s the disconnect? The Dark Knight was a great movie, but it still doesn’t hold a candle to Batman at his best in the comics. The Spider-Man movies suck compared to some of the classic stories. V for Vendetta was a great movie, but it wasn’t even in the same league as the book. Sin City was basically a page-by-page remake of the comic. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was a steaming pile of poo, but the original series was exceptional.

Here’s the problem. Comics have become completely inaccessible for new readers for two reasons:

1. Stigma – “Comics are for kids!” Adults who enjoy the movies and feel an attachment to the characters are deterred from reading comics because they are actually embarrassed to do so. It’s sad but true.

I know a lot of comic readers who walk into their local comic shop looking over their shoulder and don’t tell their friends where they are going like there are about to meet with a prostitute or buy drugs (now that I think about it, I think that the potheads I know are more open about their drug habit than most of the comic readers I know are regarding their penchant for superheroes).

Let me be clear. These books are good. They are intelligently written, and the characters are relatable.

Reading comics has helped me gain perspective, and improve my life, and I am not ashamed to say so. A few years ago, I had a really rough stretch and I couldn’t find happiness in my life until I read a conversation between Peter Parker and Aunt May (I’m not even a fan of Spider-man… I read that book because a friend insisted that I do so). That dialog literally helped me find my way back to happiness.

2. The stories are inaccessible for new readers – Most of the major titles from Marvel and DC have been woven into this very complex tapestry. The stories are all interrelated, and cross paths with each other. Not only that, but they have extensive histories to boot.

So let’s say you want to read Batman. If you picked up last weeks issue on a whim without knowing anything else about the current Batman series or the greater DC Comics Universe, you would be completely lost. The story that is about to wrap-up has been brewing for a couple of years! On top of that, it ties into the current overarching story (or event) for the DC Universe known as Final Crisis.

Final Crisis is an extremely extensive story that spans over countless titles, and it is the result of years and years of buildup from other event stories.

Basically, it’s become hard to just pickup a comic and read. That being said, if you are willing to go back and read this stuff from the beginning, it will be very rewarding. Give it a shot, read the graphic novel Identity Crisis (in my opinion, that book gave birth to the modern DC Universe). It is an extremely compelling crime drama.

Anyway, a comic creator named Robert Kirkman sparked debate about the future of the comic industry with his Kirkman Manifesto video.

He raises a lot of points, some I agree with, some I disagree with. If you want some counterpoint check out the debate between him and comic creator Brian Bendis.

What matters here is the point that most current comics aren’t for kids, and that the industry is supported by an aging readership. A way to start reading is to pickup some creator owned work. Over the coming weeks I am going to begin writing about some of the titles you could pick up if you want to give comics a shot, but don’t want to jump into a robust universe that will require homework and study to fully appreciate.

Bat-Nipples & the Worst Movie Ever Made

Happy New Year!
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What are Bat-Nipples? 

You might be wondering that if you took a gander at REL’s post. If you already know what they are, you probably had a good chuckle as I did.

For those who aren’t “in the know,” here’s a bit of Batman movie history for you.

After making two great Batman movies, Batman (1989) and Batman Returns (1992), director Tim Burton departed from the franchise. A director by the name of Joel Schumacher took the helm of the Bat-Boat and charted a course for campy crap land. 

Batman Forever (1995) … something was off about this Batman. The costume had some odd and extremely obvious rubber nipples… but the movie wasn’t too awful.

Then came Batman & Robin (1997), and what a steaming pile of crap that movie was.

I’m not exaggerating, this movie was a special kind of bad. If you haven’t seen it, count your blessings. In order to save you some pain, and maybe get a few laughs at Mr. Schumacher’s expense, I present to you, Batman & Robin condensed down to 10 minutes (The maximum allowable dosage of Batman & Robin according to FDA guidelines… this video actually really funny):
 

Not only was the movie terrible on an epic level, but along with all of the camp, bad writing, acting, costumes, and editing, the Bat-Nipples were back, and bigger than ever. To top  it off, Mr. Schumacher’s ultra tight shots of the character’s chests, crotches, and rear-ends only served to underscore the significance of these oddities. 

 

Batman's Bat-Nipples

Close Enough

Bat-Nipples and Batman & Robin in general have been a punch-line in the geek community ever since. 

To top all of this off, Mr. Schumacher actually ended up apologizing fans for Batman & Robin:
 

Sometimes sorry isn’t good enough Mr Schumacher.

Batman vs. Superman… In bed!

Meet The Geek Whisperer’s newest contributor, Arielle, and enjoy her first post:
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It’s kind of like a messed up fortune cookie up there, isn’t it.

To many comic fans, there is an age old argument.  Batman.  Or Superman.  The Dark Knight.  Or the Big Blue Boy Scout.  For David and I, this argument goes back to at least middle school.  Back then, it was all about who was a bigger BAMF.  And obviously, Batman always won.  I mean, come on!  This argument is over before it begins!

However, as I’ve matured in life, or at least pretended too, my arguments for why Batman is way more totally awesome has changed.  As a female of this species (wow, could I be any more geeky?), I’ve come to the stark realization that if I had a choice, I would much prefer to bone Batman.  Alien species and Brody-esque dialogue aside, there’s just no way Clark Kent could ever hold a candle to the freakiness that one could expect to find and enjoy in Bruce Wayne’s boudoir.  It’s just completely inconceivable that the pleasure one could derive from a brooding, masochistic quasi-nihilist would be better served on a self-righteous Truth-Justice-and-the-American-Way platter.  No way.

We’re not factoring in Tom Welling of Smallville, but even if we were considering recent movie casting, Christian Bale still trumps Brandon Routh. Although I enjoy Tim Burton, I’m not going to get into some of the earlier Batman-franchise films. The mere mention of Bat-Nipples renders the later Joel Schumacher films completely inconsequential to any argument.

Bob Kane, Bill Finger, Frank Miller and Jeph Loeb all knew how to create a man with intelligence and grace that is so sexy and appealing to women that I cannot comprehend why merely destroying property value across Metropolis makes a man worthy of our erotic obsession.

Selina Kyle, she totally gets me on this one:

… Yet, there is something to be said about how a “Superman” never leaves his “Lois…”